I have had firsthand experience when it comes to helping aging family members to transition to a smaller place, independent living, or assisted living. This is an emotional time for our loved ones and the entire family. Often the roles are reversed, and we become the caregivers.
It is important to have a dialog and explain to our loved ones that although they require more help, their opinions matter and their wishes are honored. Let them express their frustration, fears, or hesitation as they transition to a different lifestyle. Be there for them in love and support and treat them with the respect they deserve. They may need to be reminded that when downsizing, their possessions may need to be sorted and minimized as they move to a smaller location. Let them decide what matters to them and make concessions on what they can take with them. If there’s a collection that they want but will take up too much room, get creative. Maybe take 1-3 items from the collection. You can take pictures of the rest of the items and frame it, or make a shirt, or quilt so they can always look at their collection.
Remind them that even though they may not have room for their photo albums, the memories travel with them. You can always add photos to a digital album that they can look at to remind them how much they are loved. Encourage them to donate what they no longer need by telling them that another family will use and benefit from their donated items. Let them tell you the stories behind memorabilia, ask questions and get them excited about where they are going and the new friends they will make. They’ll have activities, or events they can attend.
If possible, have them help you price items for a moving/garage sale. Get them engaged in the staging process and participate in the sale. If they have a difficult time parting with their possessions and you have the room, tell them you’ll store certain items in a box for them with the condition that if they have had not asked for the items in a box in 6 months or sooner, then these can be donated.
This process is a give and take and with compassion and understanding, it can be manageable for the family. If you find that there are too many items or you don’t have time to go through it all, there are organizers and senior relocation companies can help through this transition. Enlist the help of friends or extended family and use this opportunity to connect and have fun with the process. How we handle these moments is all about our perception.
“Behind you, all your memories,
Before you, all your dreams,
Around you, all who love you,
Within you, all you need.”
-Lilli Vaihere
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